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Pilotų juokeliai

Valdyti Boeing`us – dalykas rimtas ir atsakingas, mes tuo neabejojame. Bet akivaizdu, kad pilotams turi būti gerokai ne svetimas ir humoras, kad nepersitemptu darbe nuo rimtumo 🙂

Tad čia įmetu šiandien aptiktų citatų iš pokalbių tarp orlaivių / skrydžio valdymo centrų:

Cont: „AF1733, You are on an eight mile final for 27R. You have a UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final; reduce speed to 130 knots.”
Pilot: „Rogo’, Frankfurt. We’re bringing this big bird back to one-hundred and thirty knots fer ya.”
Cont: (a few moments later): „AF33, helicopter traffic at 90 knots now 1 1/2 miles ahead of you; reduce speed further to 110 knots.”
Pilot: „AF thirty-three reining this here bird back further to 110 knots”
Cont: „AF33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic now 1 mile ahead of you; reduce speed to 90 knots”
Pilot (a little miffed): „Sir, do you know what the stall speed of this here C-130 is?”
Cont: „No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell you.”

ATC: Alitalia 345 continue taxi holding position 26 South via Tango check for workers along taxiway
AZA: Ali345 Taxi 26 Left a via Tango. Workers checked – all are working

ARN851: „Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for 10,000, requesting runway 15.”
Halifax Terminal (female): „Nova 851 Halifax, the last time I gave a pilot what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks. Expect runway 06.”

(busy) Moncton Center: „Speedbird 169 cleared direct Chibougamau”
BAW169: „I’m sorry, sir, can you repeat that?”
CZQM: „Speedbird 169 cleared direct Yankee Mike Tango”
BAW169: „Direct Yankee Mike Tango for Speedbird 169. What was that name again?”
CZQM: „It’s called Chibougamau”
BAW169: „Would you say again, please?”
CZQM: „Chibougamau. I say again, Chibougamau!”
BAW169: „Oh, how quaint. What does it mean?”
CZQM: „It’s eskimo for f— off!”

Lost student pilot: „Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling overhead, identify yourself.”

Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what??
Pilot: Yes, SIR

Control: You’re unreadable, say again.
Motor-glider: I’ve turned off the engine, is that better?
Control: (looong pause)

Cessna 152: „Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred”
Controller: „Roger, contact Houston Space Center”

727 pilot: „Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a 360 in this airplane?”
Controller: „Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth.”

Student Pilot: „I’m lost; I’m over a lake and heading toward the big E.”
Controller: „Make several 90 degree turns so I can identify you on radar.”
(short pause)…
Controller: „Okay then. That lake is the Atlantic Ocean. Suggest you turn to
the big W immediately …”

Controller: „USA353 (sic) contact Cleveland Center 135.60.
Controller: „USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60!”
Controller: „USA353 you’re just like my wife you never listen!”
Pilot: „Center, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right name you’d get a better response!”

ATC: „N123YZ, say altitude.”
ATC: „N123YZ, say airspeed.”
ATC: „N123YZ, say cancel IFR.”
N123YZ: „Eight thousand feet, one hundred fifty knots indicated.”

Controller: „FAR1234 confirm your type of aircraft. Are you an Airbus 330 or 340?”
Pilot: „A340 of course!”
Controller: „Then would you mind switching on the two other engines and give me a 1000 feet per minute, please?”

Controller: „Air Force 53, it appears your engine has… oh… disregard, I see you’ve already ejected.”

Pilot: „Bratislava Tower, this is Oscar Oscar Kilo estabished ILS 16.”
Tower: „Oscar Oscar Kilo, Guten Tag, cleared to land 16, wind calm and by the way: this is Wien Tower.”
Pilot: (short break) „Bratislava Tower, Oscar Oscar Kilo passed the outer marker.”
Tower: „Oscar Oscar Kilo roger, and once more: you are approaching Vienna!”
Pilot: (short break again) „Confirm, this is NOT Bratislava?”
Tower: „You can believe me, this is Vienna!
Pilot: (once again short break) „But why? We want to go to Bratislava, not to Vienna!”
Tower: „Oscar Oscar Kilo, roger. Discontinue approach, turn left and climb to 5000 feet, vectors to Bratislava.”

Tower (in Stuttgart): „Lufthansa 5680, reduce to 170 knots.”
Pilot: „This is here like Frankfurt. There is also only 210 and 170 knots…But we are flexible.”
Tower: „We too. Reduce to 173 knots.”

Pilot: „… request heading to avoid.”
Controller: „To avoid what?”
Pilot: „To avoid further delay.”

Tower: „Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft declaring emergency about two hours ago ?”
Pilot: „Negative, Sir. It’s only the same pilot.”

Tower: „Delta Zulu Romeo, turn right now and report your heading.”
Pilot: „Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345…”

A beautiful summer day with good thermals, near Billund airport, Denmark:
Billund ATC: „Gliders 82 and D5, state position and altitude?”
82: Overhead Coal Lake, 6400 feet.”
D5: „Same position, same altitude.”
ATC (cool, dry voice): „So should I go get my collision report form??”

Tower: „Aircraft on final, go around, there’s an aircraft on the runway!”
Pilot Trainee: „Roger” (pilot continues approach)
Tower: „Aircraft, I said GO AROUND!!!”!
Pilot Trainee: „Roger”
The trainee doesn’t react, lands the aircraft on the numbers, rolls to a twin standing in the middle of the runway, goes around the twin and continues to the taxiway.

Pilot: „Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push back, please.”
Tower: „KLM 242 expect start up in two hours.”
Pilot: „Please confirm: two hours delay?”
Tower: „Affirmative.”
Pilot: „In that case, cancel the good morning!”

Pilot: „FLX 30, we just have a few gallons of fuel.”
Tower: „Please give us your position, we dont see you at the radar!”
Pilot: „We are standing at runway 2 and want to know, when the fuel truck will come!”

Ir dar vienas anekdotas lietuviškai 😉

Skrydžiu valdymo centras klausia piloto:
-Kas leidžiasi?
Pilotas nusprendžia pajuokauti ir sako:
-Spėk kas ?
Skrydžiu valdymo centras užgesina visas nusileidimo tako šviesas, ir sako:
-Spek kur ?



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